Starting to Leave

Last week I had to start the good-byes. I was imagining that I still had well over a month before they would begin. This one took me by surprise, although I should have realized it was coming. It was the last day of Seth and Madelyn's once a week program for home schoolers, called The Greenhouse. Our family has been a part of The Greenhouse for three school years, and it has been a wonderful place for the children to to have a taste of a classroom experience, to learn amazing things from teachers who really care about them, and to enjoy being with friends for a day a week. In addition, it has given me a precious block of time each week where I am not schooling the kids, Gwen is napping, and I have a bit of time to myself.

Background aside, the time came last Wednesday afternoon for us to thank the teachers. I am not close to these women, but the things they have brought out in my kids, the time they've invested, the special projects and presentations they have spent many extra hours on for my children's benefit, somehow all combined to cause a rush of emotion. I snuffled and blubbered throught the first thank-you, and then decided to send Seth and Madelyn to thank the other three teachers on their own.

Now I know this was a cop-out. And I really wanted to thank them myself. In a way I was a little upset with myself for not being able to hold it together enough to do it. I stewed about it for a little while and let Seth and Madelyn contine the thank-you's and good-byes on their own.

When we moved here three and a half years ago, there were many good-byes to say. I remember that I tried to hold it together and not be emotional about them. But later I was sorry. Sorry that I hadn't been willing to be vulnerable enough to cry with a friend and let her truly know how much she meant and how much I would miss the every day stuff with her.

I want this time to be different.

Last Wednesday afternoon after I thought about all this for a while, after I had even left the building and joined the kids playing outside, I decided to go back in to The Greenhouse. I ended up only speaking with one more of the teachers, and I did cry a little, but I'm so glad I did. I got to tell her how very thankful I am for the things she has imparted to my children- and those things are many- and in return she so graciously thanked me for the privilege of teaching them and told me how much she would miss them.

So in the end I only thanked two of the four teachers in person. I had cards and little gifts for all four, so I don't think anyone was slighted. But I did feel like it was a small victory to have gone back in to the second teacher. I hope I learned a lesson with this first round of good-byes, one that will help me to take the time and risk the emotion to tell more people what they've meant to me before we go.