So... The Call wasn't today. I had held out hope that it would be. We knew referrals were coming sometime this week, and I had emailed our agency on Monday with a plea for news of any sort. The reply that day said, "No babies in the fax machine today!" But this morning there was hope... Sharon at Children's Hope emailed me with the news that they were expecting referrals today, probably around 2 p.m. !!!! Wow! I hung expectantly but casually around the phone from 2 to 3, meanwhile helping Caleb through his math lesson, reading stories to Madelyn, listening to Seth practice violin, and folding laundry. I strained my ears for the sound of the phone ringing, my stomach feeling that excited, nervous feeling one gets before speaking in public. Finally a little after 3 o'clock, I checked my email. There was a note from Sharon telling me she was sorry, but ours didn't come today.
So. I tell myself that's it's really okay, this month was a long shot anyway. We only have one more month to wait, ours will most certainly be in the next batch, since we were right at the cut-off for this last one. But still there is disappointment, if only momentary. I had hyped myself up. Then, I remember my prayer at lunchtime, that we would be content with the events of the day. I had not told the children that there was a possibility that we would find out about their sister today. I'm sure that prayer flew by them unnoticed. But I had prayed it for me, knowing the chance of disappointment was real.
I know God's timing is perfect. Gwen will arrive when it is time for Gwen to arrive. And tonight, I will finish sewing the binding on her quilt.
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